Politicians...gotta love 'em

I nearly titled this post "Republicans, gotta love 'em" but then I recalled a certain Democratic president that forever changed how we all view cigars. But while Clinton took his Monte Cristo to a consenting adult woman, Sen. Saxby Chambliss (R-GA) just can't keep his paws off his 11-year old granddaugher in this Thanksgiving advertisement. Unintentional? Check. Very creepy? Oh yeah.

The "money shot" is at the end - just after the young girl says, "Vote for my BIG daddy".

A Wii Unexpected

Nintendo did nice work in cross-marketing their game console to women with the Wii Fit. Notice how the first family member to be tested for the Wii Fit is Mom? Did anyone also notice the ads for the Wii Fit on buses and billboards featuring an attractive girl in her modest yoga gear, looking vibrant and fit? Still, something's amiss upon further investigation and application of this device. Click "Next" on the introduction page within the Wii Fit link above, and there's an eerily violating "body scan" while one's balance is being measured. Within the demo video, the same odd "Mom" character appears as a spokesmodel and tries out the Wii with her family (how nice of the Wii, by the way, to let you know if you're underweight, normal, overweight, or even OBESE during your body scan!). Still, the intentions behind the Fit are entirely fitness-oriented, right? A way to marry the gaming world with the fitness world; that is, until we meet this fellow and his girlfriend. Of course someone had to video his girlfriend doing Wii exercises in her underwear, earning two million hits on YouTube, also known as the Multibillion Dollar Exhibitionist (intentional or unintentional) Network. This post falls into the halfway unintentional as the star of video is not aware of what she's creating, yet the creator of the video is as frat-boy intentional as can be. While posting this video probably falls under gross violation of privacy (are these two still dating, and is she really "enjoying her fame," really?), the boyfriend certainly knew an unintentional porn moment when he saw it. I'm curious as to the honest reaction the girlfriend had in discovering that this moment was out for all the world to see. Seems a wee convenient that she initially "screamed down the phone" (thank you British press) during the initial discovery but now is totally fine with it. A Wii conspiracy? Time will tell. In the meantime, enjoy that "wiggling bottom" and other British Bosom Buddies.

Chicks With Guitars

Ok, so this isn't really unintentional porn. It is quite intentional, and mostly safe for work with the exception of the odd nipple-slip. Big deal, you say? Well, guitars are quite phallic (and in my mind, everything is either phallic or boob-shaped), and if you can get a barely-dressed woman to hold something that resembles that member, even better. I think it crosses a psycological line that men instantly recognize...and women really hope does not exist.

The problem becomes choosing which unintentional porn photo/video to select for the blog, along with the attendant questions assocated with that post. Do women understand that pretty much anything involving a picture of them can - and will - be used as wank material?

So, the first "chicks with guitars" [and I use that term out of historical usage - any one who can rawk - regardless of gender - has earned my praise] post goes to Tuuli - a now defunct Canadian band that came to my attention because of their presence on the Maple Music label (whose most prominent signed band are the Cowboy Junkies). I think...well, I think all four members are hawt. And...they can play - granted, it is on the lighter side, but what the hey. I'll go more hardcore next time. But a big thumbs up to Tuuli - they bring back some respect back to the word "talent".

Exercise is just another word for "perverted"

I hate the gym. I don't like going, I don't really like the whole concept. About the best part of the gym is watching people in workout clothes hunt for the closest parking spot. But I apparently like exercise devices because this is the third exercise device I've discovered that appeals to my sense on unintentional porn. I rate this one as the lowest of the three (I love the iGallop so much, I might get one for Mrs. Unintentional Porn Wife #1 for Christmas just so I could watch her on it...) but it is still worthy of note.

This one is the Easy Curves device. Easy Curves is a spring loaded workout device resembling....um...a rod. A woman can use the "rod" for "sculpting a beautiful bustline through a full range of motion." Watching the video I'd guess it also has a second effect: makes it so a woman can get a good grip on your long, thin, spring loaded device. Which is useful too when you really think about. If there is one thing the Easy Curves delivers, it is the complete package. Brilliant!

Click on the link to video and photos as the owner appears to be rather protective of their copyright. For the perverted lawyers out there, you can also view the patent.

What Kind of Party Is This?

I really got a chuckle out of the Disney Princess who will come to your party that I posted yesterday. To be fair, the actress/entrepreneur who advertises herself on this site makes it perfectly clear on the site's home page that her services are for children's parties. But then, our site is about the "unintentional," and the first time I found this picture, I swore it was for an adult site. Fetish is all about fun, after all, and the closing line of that page says, "The Little Mermaid can do all the activities." What activities she can do is not specified on that page. Coming into the site and bypassing the home page like I did might create a different first impression. Someone organizing a "special party" or Disney Fetishists Convention might look to have Tinkerbell, Sleeping Beauty, or to "Bring a piece of Oz to your party" (careful how you pronounce Oz) with Dorothy. I'm sure this lady is very nice and provides great entertainment at children's parties. Children's theater is a lot of work, especially when the kids are yelling, throwing things, or not into the show. Plus, this girl appears to be the only on-stage talent for this company. Power to her. I do suggest that she update her website banner so that certain weirdos don't stumble on to the site thinking it's something it's not. Also, don't write your bio in the third person. That is weird, despite the lovely photo. Piece of Oz indeed.

How'd We Get to That?

Herbal Essences defined their brand by being "unintentionally" sexy. It's never explained why washing hair with Herbal Essences makes women climax anytime, anywhere, but that's not the point. It's also convenient that someone's always in earshot so that everybody enjoys the girl getting off. The example below (with bonus Australian accent!) is filled with the oops-I'm-naughty dialogue, adding comedy to deflect any guilt felt listening to a hot model get her rocks off. Closing line and the expression from the goofy male part of the couple clearly takes away from the "unintentional," but bear with me.



This is smart advertising in that people have a distinct association with Herbal Essences thanks to these ads. At least their marketing department gets the joke. Other marketing bits start off with (probably) no sex in mind but evolve into something else. Case in point: Erin Esurance. Do a Google image search and you'll find plenty of not-safe-for-work links. The esurance website has designed a virtual pad for any voyeur to peek into her life; click on the "Erin's World" tab and you can even read her Secret Diary! Don't expect anything titillating from the esurance site, but rest assured, there's plenty of other online places to find sexed-up renderings of a cartoon character. Even in the storyboards of the company that creates the commercials (frame 5 especially).

Intentional or unintentional? Maybe that question is also not the point. It's just interesting that something seemingly innocent could evolve into something very sexually charged. Know what I mean?

There appears to be some confusion here...

Mrs. Unintentional Porn Wife #1 occasionally drags my sorry arse to the mall. I don't like malls and never have. When I was a teenager I didn't like them because I was awkward (ok, a total effing geek), and I don't like them now that I'm in my 30's because I'm "that guy". I'm getting a little close to 40 to be attractive to MILFs, I've long since become creepy to women under the age of 22, and your average 28 year old woman thinks married guys approaching 40 have far more money than I have. Pretty much everyone thinks I'm lame.

Which gives me one solution: head to Brookstone or the now-departed Sharper Image and check out the useless overpriced junk that will be in tomorrow's bargan bin. One of those items? the $299 (was $599 - guess this isn't that necessary in a recession when a lap dance is $20) iGallop. It is an exercise device. Seriously. Apparently some doctor (or other dirty-minded individual) decided that riding horses was a great abdominal exercise. And since horses are expensive to feed and they crap a ton, what better way to give the masses a way to experience the same exercise than a device that mimics the motion of a horse - of course! Pretty much just a lightweight home mechanical bull for wimpy soccer moms that couldn't possibly stay on a mechanical bull even if it was controlled by John Travolta; but heck, the results are the same. Unfortunately, a white t-shirt and bucket of cold water isn't included, but the price is right!



There are far too many videos of this device out there (which only indicates I'm not alone), but here is my favorite. The fact I like this video only serves to reinforce the idea that I am a creepy middle aged guy. Yep.