Two Things That Go Together Well

Olivia Munn and gyration.


Simple enough.

Nice when "exercise equipment" provides this kind of workout. Even better when someone as attractive as Ms. Munn is willing to be filmed using it.

Debbie Does Dance Studios

I believe that there's always a subtext to dancing. There's a form of intimacy at stake whether it's just jumping around at a club or a specific routine with a partner in formal dance. Ideally, dancing occurs with people of a certain comfort level, one that allows bodies to be in close proximity. This intimacy can be problematic when searching for partners when one is single and/or teenaged. For my school dances, this intimacy was usually denied or feared from potential partners. This is why I spent most school dances getting close to the gymnasium wall. Even a small potential for greater intimacy was one reason my alma mater (which will remain nameless) did not allow dancing on campus. This actually saved me from having to get familiar with other gym walls, but something that wasn't policed was dance classes. These remove the physical barriers to dancing because partners are assigned and you have to get closer to learn together. Since it's "education," the taboos are gone. Leaving aside the physical contact as well as the dance-appropriate outfits that can create stimulating situations, consider the stretching. I assume there's no need to explain the unintentional stimulations of stretches.

But then there's the Simply Circus studio: not only is stretching recorded and explained, it's done so in the photographic style of late 70's porno. Also mind-boggling is this dance studio's (lack of) dress code. Still, it seems to put a lot of effort into the teaching of stretch. There's the Front Bend Warm-Up Exercise, a same exercise if you're incredibly limber, there's warming up the legs, the always favored arching of the back (the final picture especially), and of course the splits, a long time favorite. This dance studio sure looks like it was in full swing during some of my more awkward days. I sure see a few mid-80's dance outfits in those pictures. Wish I'd been learning stretching at this studio instead of gym wall patterns during those days.

A Wii Unexpected

Nintendo did nice work in cross-marketing their game console to women with the Wii Fit. Notice how the first family member to be tested for the Wii Fit is Mom? Did anyone also notice the ads for the Wii Fit on buses and billboards featuring an attractive girl in her modest yoga gear, looking vibrant and fit? Still, something's amiss upon further investigation and application of this device. Click "Next" on the introduction page within the Wii Fit link above, and there's an eerily violating "body scan" while one's balance is being measured. Within the demo video, the same odd "Mom" character appears as a spokesmodel and tries out the Wii with her family (how nice of the Wii, by the way, to let you know if you're underweight, normal, overweight, or even OBESE during your body scan!). Still, the intentions behind the Fit are entirely fitness-oriented, right? A way to marry the gaming world with the fitness world; that is, until we meet this fellow and his girlfriend. Of course someone had to video his girlfriend doing Wii exercises in her underwear, earning two million hits on YouTube, also known as the Multibillion Dollar Exhibitionist (intentional or unintentional) Network. This post falls into the halfway unintentional as the star of video is not aware of what she's creating, yet the creator of the video is as frat-boy intentional as can be. While posting this video probably falls under gross violation of privacy (are these two still dating, and is she really "enjoying her fame," really?), the boyfriend certainly knew an unintentional porn moment when he saw it. I'm curious as to the honest reaction the girlfriend had in discovering that this moment was out for all the world to see. Seems a wee convenient that she initially "screamed down the phone" (thank you British press) during the initial discovery but now is totally fine with it. A Wii conspiracy? Time will tell. In the meantime, enjoy that "wiggling bottom" and other British Bosom Buddies.

Exercise is just another word for "perverted"

I hate the gym. I don't like going, I don't really like the whole concept. About the best part of the gym is watching people in workout clothes hunt for the closest parking spot. But I apparently like exercise devices because this is the third exercise device I've discovered that appeals to my sense on unintentional porn. I rate this one as the lowest of the three (I love the iGallop so much, I might get one for Mrs. Unintentional Porn Wife #1 for Christmas just so I could watch her on it...) but it is still worthy of note.

This one is the Easy Curves device. Easy Curves is a spring loaded workout device resembling....um...a rod. A woman can use the "rod" for "sculpting a beautiful bustline through a full range of motion." Watching the video I'd guess it also has a second effect: makes it so a woman can get a good grip on your long, thin, spring loaded device. Which is useful too when you really think about. If there is one thing the Easy Curves delivers, it is the complete package. Brilliant!

Click on the link to video and photos as the owner appears to be rather protective of their copyright. For the perverted lawyers out there, you can also view the patent.

There appears to be some confusion here...

Mrs. Unintentional Porn Wife #1 occasionally drags my sorry arse to the mall. I don't like malls and never have. When I was a teenager I didn't like them because I was awkward (ok, a total effing geek), and I don't like them now that I'm in my 30's because I'm "that guy". I'm getting a little close to 40 to be attractive to MILFs, I've long since become creepy to women under the age of 22, and your average 28 year old woman thinks married guys approaching 40 have far more money than I have. Pretty much everyone thinks I'm lame.

Which gives me one solution: head to Brookstone or the now-departed Sharper Image and check out the useless overpriced junk that will be in tomorrow's bargan bin. One of those items? the $299 (was $599 - guess this isn't that necessary in a recession when a lap dance is $20) iGallop. It is an exercise device. Seriously. Apparently some doctor (or other dirty-minded individual) decided that riding horses was a great abdominal exercise. And since horses are expensive to feed and they crap a ton, what better way to give the masses a way to experience the same exercise than a device that mimics the motion of a horse - of course! Pretty much just a lightweight home mechanical bull for wimpy soccer moms that couldn't possibly stay on a mechanical bull even if it was controlled by John Travolta; but heck, the results are the same. Unfortunately, a white t-shirt and bucket of cold water isn't included, but the price is right!



There are far too many videos of this device out there (which only indicates I'm not alone), but here is my favorite. The fact I like this video only serves to reinforce the idea that I am a creepy middle aged guy. Yep.

Huh. Someone thought this was innocent?

"Even with all the workouts that I had done in the past, I had never gotten the results that I got with the Flirty Girl Fitness program. I mean 23 inches - that's huge!" Vanessa M.

Bawahhahahahahaha!

The other night I woke up around 2:00am unable to sleep. Not wanting to disturb Mrs. Unintentional Porn Wife #1 I got out of bed and plopped myself on the couch to watch some Comedy Central.

Betweeen commercials for Girls Gone Wild and Hydrolux was one for the Flirty Girl Fitness DVD pack. Website even has the "As seen on TV" logo. Order the deluxe pack now and get a free stripper pole for your living room. I kid you not. This website could keep you busy for days, including the statement "If you really want to spice up your results" in a manner that has nothing to do with increasing the number of $1 bills you bring home at the end of the night.

Kit Includes:• Flirty Girl Signature Fitness Pole • 7 Flirty Girl DVDs: Booty Beat, Chair Fit, Chair Dance, Just Teasing, Abs & Booty, Beginner Pole, & Pole Fit all stored in 2 keepsake boxes. • Plus the full color Flirty Fit & Fabulous booklet, and a pink feather boa so you can unleash your inner diva!