Two Things That Go Together Well

Olivia Munn and gyration.


Simple enough.

Nice when "exercise equipment" provides this kind of workout. Even better when someone as attractive as Ms. Munn is willing to be filmed using it.

I Miss the Old Catalogs

JC Penney, Dillards, Mervyn's, and Sears catalogs were a lot more unfiltered back in the 80's. Some pages were precursors to the Victoria's Secret catalog, probably without meaning to be so. The selection below from a 1980 JC Penney catalog is relatively innocent, but I'm glad someone thought "Squeeze Play" would be perfect for a night shirt.



Somehow, this photo also reminds me of the Slumber Party Massacre II movie poster. Could it be from the same photographer. Probably not. Maybe that's just me. My mind goes that way. Sorry.

Parts and Tools (Naughty!)

This actually comes from another I place write. Guess I been on the lookout for unintentional porn longer than I thought. Back in 2006, I was helping proof a machine parts catalog. The excrutiating dullness of the work made my mind wander to almost anything. After the puns on machine parts were exhausted and I'd listened to the same old time radio episodes three times each, I found amusement in the actual work I was supposed to be doing. It's all Beavis & Butthead, but hey, proofing five hundred pages of screws, nuts and bolts shifted my mind that way.

The first to catch my eye were the ACME Threaded Rod Lubricants. Sounds porno, especially as it's listed next to the Threaded Studs and Acrylic Extruded Balls. These parts are not the names of schlong-endowed male porn stars (although I don't think Threaded Rod is currently taken), these are industrial parts that keep our American machines running. After checking the spelling of Shaft Adapters (it's not Adaptors), I got to thinking that any Threaded Stud certainly wouldn't need any Shaft adaptation.

Next up was the section with Nipple Wrenches. These are actual industrial tools. The final winner of the day were the Prick Punches. My mind is doomed to filth, but it has helped get me through the day more than once. This was probably the only secret perk that proofreading has. Unless one is proofing for Playboy, I suppose, but that wouldn't carry the humor of Extruded Balls.

Watch It With the Pointy Thing!

This comes courtesy of the Mego Museum, a rather impressive collection of old-time toys:



I'm assuming that this posing is supposed to be Wonder Woman and "Nubia" engaging in combat. Looks like Wonder Woman's about to become a real amazon (you know...how the Greek translation of "a-mazos" means "without breast" and how there's the tradition that Amazons cut off one boob to...oh hell, just read the damned Etymology section of the friggin Wikipedia article). Actually, the pose is rather open to interpretation. Could be that Wonder Woman is opening her arms to embrace the glittery Diana Ross lookalike? You decide, but what's with the sword placement?

Speaking of which, how many of us would've been happy to have Wonder Woman in our pocket?



Anyway, the Megomuseum website has plenty of things to see. If you were born between 1970 and 1975, you'll certainly appreciate the kids' outfits on the front page.

In the meantime, as a blog-to-blog plug to neatorama.com, enjoy girls bathing at the KFC.

This Is Not Porn; It's Art

Err, really?



That's Rembrandt's painting of Greek mythology; Andromeda chained to the rock as a sacrifice for the Kraken. The stamps of legitimacy for this are that it's by a recognized Renaissance artist and it's depicting a scene from classic mythology.

Okay, that's fine. It's also a painting of a chained up naked lady. Today, there are plenty of websites labeled "pornographic" that would show the same image, but not the same context, obviously. So let's see some more examples.



Okay, that's the extremely well-known sculpture of David by the classical artist Michelangleo. It's also a giant, naked man.

So we've established the artistic legitimacy attached to this sculpture, and for many, additional legitimacy would come from the statue depicting the biblical figure of David before he does combat with Goliath. Yet, this approximately 17 foot tall statue and it's rather oversized proportions might raise some questions from those unfamiliar with the statue's contexts and established legitimacies. After all, what is the point of a giant statue of a nude man? Art, yes, but what else?

Finally, consider this:



That's a statue from Daniel Edwards acting as champion for the pro-life movement. If you don't believe me on the statue's application, here's an article. This is a naked Britney Spears giving birth to her first son on a bear skin rug. More specifically, a naked Britney Spears on all fours in a rather sexualized position. Yes, she's giving birth, so that would leave sex out at that particular moment, but it certainly isn't the most conducive postion for giving birth. Her back and belly would be in enough discomfort without the unnecessary distortions that this statue would have her do.

But I'm not here to argue the best birthing positions, nor am I here to argue that these depictions are pornographic or not. I am curious as to the motivations behind these artworks. What was going through Rembrandt's mind as he painted Andromeda? Michelangelo clearly took great time and care to craft every part of his David statue, but did his thoughts range through many dynamics as he created different parts of David's body? Finally, what was REALLY going through Mr. Edwards mind as he created his sculpture of a recognized American sex symbol?

Are these pieces intended to be "porn" or do they become that way from the reactions they provoke? I'm thinking that many things that are considered art could also be constitued as "porn" from certain standpoints. "Porn" has its obvious negative connotation. "Art" has an altogether different and ambiguous connotation. Do these definitions apply to the motives behind the artists, the reactions to the pieces, or a combination? Just something to chew on beside the champagne or x-rated video people might enjoy this fine New Years Eve. Cheers!

Debbie Does Dance Studios

I believe that there's always a subtext to dancing. There's a form of intimacy at stake whether it's just jumping around at a club or a specific routine with a partner in formal dance. Ideally, dancing occurs with people of a certain comfort level, one that allows bodies to be in close proximity. This intimacy can be problematic when searching for partners when one is single and/or teenaged. For my school dances, this intimacy was usually denied or feared from potential partners. This is why I spent most school dances getting close to the gymnasium wall. Even a small potential for greater intimacy was one reason my alma mater (which will remain nameless) did not allow dancing on campus. This actually saved me from having to get familiar with other gym walls, but something that wasn't policed was dance classes. These remove the physical barriers to dancing because partners are assigned and you have to get closer to learn together. Since it's "education," the taboos are gone. Leaving aside the physical contact as well as the dance-appropriate outfits that can create stimulating situations, consider the stretching. I assume there's no need to explain the unintentional stimulations of stretches.

But then there's the Simply Circus studio: not only is stretching recorded and explained, it's done so in the photographic style of late 70's porno. Also mind-boggling is this dance studio's (lack of) dress code. Still, it seems to put a lot of effort into the teaching of stretch. There's the Front Bend Warm-Up Exercise, a same exercise if you're incredibly limber, there's warming up the legs, the always favored arching of the back (the final picture especially), and of course the splits, a long time favorite. This dance studio sure looks like it was in full swing during some of my more awkward days. I sure see a few mid-80's dance outfits in those pictures. Wish I'd been learning stretching at this studio instead of gym wall patterns during those days.

Chicks With Guitars, Post II

A follow up for the little more hardcore crowd. Again, not necessiarily "unintentional porn" but a good excuse for a post, considering it is a picture of a woman holding a long object. And closing her eyes.

Lisa Marx, formerly lead guitarist of Kittie.